How to survive if caught nude in the bed with lover

It is not a panacea but you can make a try. At least, you will stay alive and kicking. Maybe.

First of all, you must act as if nothing happens, absolutely nothing. Keep quiet. Do not ask for forgiveness. As the best defense is a good offence, so attack! Say something like this one:

• You're tired (boozy)! Open your eyes and see for yourself - I am alone! Where is lover? What do you say? Are you daydreaming? Get away, go to the kitchen and drink a glass of water - it'll tranquil you!
  
  
• It's my work fellow! We are going to play a joke on the boss and we rehearse here and now. Don't be so stupid jealous fool and don't worry - it's only a joke!
  
  
• Oh yeah, it's my lover, and I'm going to leave you because you have no toothpaste in your tube anymore (you are a frigid old hen)! And you was flirting with all my friends at our wedding 20 years ago! Do you remember? It's my revenge!
  
  
• Wow, it's great, we were waiting for you! Undress and join us! I was dreaming of threesome for a long time, and now my dream is coming true! Come on! Don't keep us waiting!
  
  
• My friend asked me to teach his (her) new sweetheart because it seems he (she) is not a good lover. You know, I am very talented in the bed, and even my friend trusts me. I am not able to disappoint him (her). So go away, don't disturb!
  
  

Attention! In the most dangerous causes, say nothing and hide yourself under the blanket as soon as possible. Perhaps, everything will turn well!