How to make coffee without a coffee machine

Some of us like instant coffee, but others prefer coffee with a zest. These recipes for the second. Bon appetite!

British coffee
1. Start an online strategy game.
2. Conquer a continent (a small island is fit too).
3. Ask aborigines to make coffee.
4. Drink it.
5. Set aborigines free and leave the continent.
6. Game over!
Tip: Choose a continent where the coffee trees grow.

African coffee
1. Feed an african animal with coffee-beans.
2. Let him go but keep an eye on him.
3. Find his product of life.
4. Find the coffee beans inside.
5. Sell them up on eBay as a unique single coffee dose.
6. Go to cafe and drink as much espresso as you want.
Warning: Don't even try to feed a lion. He doesn't like coffee!

Australian coffee
1. Take a cup and the bigger, the better.
2. Fill it with coffee beans and add water.
3. Take a boomerang and throw it.
4. Hold the cup, as strong as possible.
5. Catch the boomerang in your cup.
6. Holding the cup at arm's length, look after the vortex that the boomerang forms.
7. As soon as boomerang stops, take it out.
8. Enjoy the coffee!
Warning: Keep aloof from kangaroos - they adore playing with boomerangs!

Russian coffee
1. Take an enameled plate (because you have no another dish as wide as a circle of your cooking appliance).
2. Put in several teaspoons of preground coffee, sugar, cinnamon, and ginger and add vodka (half a bottle is enough).
3. Cook as long as you're able to wait for its readiness.
4. Percolate it.
5. Suck it out through a cocktail straw.
Tip: You can use beer instead of vodka. Esp. if you're in morning-after condition.

Arctic coffee
1. Leave a container with coffee beans outdoors.
2. Wait some hours until the frozen coffee beans.
3. Cut the coffee beans with an axe or saw them up.
4. Fill a pot with the preground coffee and add some ice.
5. Your coffee cocktail is ready!
Tip: Share it with a polar bear. It's so extreme!

Maya coffee
1. Take several brilliant coffee beans and add some liquid gold.
2. Let this mix be hardened.
3. Hide it.
4. Leave a message in cipher on the wall of a temple with way to the cup of coffee.
Tip: Use liquid silver instead of gold if you wanna make a cappuccino.

Texas coffee
1. Put a pouch with coffee beans under the saddle.
2. Back the horse at a jump.
3. Ride within an hour, enjoying the riding.
4. Remember, that you have a mind to coffee.
5. Get into a saloon and drink whisky.
6. Give the pouch with coffee beans to your wife to stop her grumbling about your late coming back under the influence.
Tip: Taking a gun, you'll have the coffee-beans of more fine grinding. The lager caliber, the better.